Kitchen table polyamory is actually a term that appeared very recently on some poly dating sites. It defines an emotionally mature, cozy, and safe atmosphere where all the members of a poly relationship may relax around one another and meet.
The term came from the fact that partners can gather around a table and enjoy one another’s presence even if they are not dating directly. Of course, the kitchen table is a metaphor. It can be replaced with any other activity that you and your partners may enjoy the most.
The kitchen table polyamory is different from a normal poly relationship because the metamours interact with one another. Somehow, the relationships blend instead of progressing on separate paths.
You don’t need to worry if you don’t like what you’ve read. People have different personalities, and in polyamory, they learn to coexist in different ways. Not everybody is shaped the same, and you shouldn’t feel guilty if the idea of an extended “family” is not for you.
What Type of Person Is Best Suited by Kitchen Table Polyamory?
Depending on your level of maturity and also your partners’ maturity, kitchen table polyamory may work, or it may simply not. It requires a lot of practice and patience and also plenty of communication from all the partners.
Kitchen table polyamory involves a lot of time management, so nobody in the relationship will feel left aside or ignored, which can lead to jealousy.
This type of polyamory relationship comes naturally to highly tolerant, sociable, and open-minded partners and those who can understand a lot without rushing to judge others.
The fact that you share your beloved one with another person is hard to do without getting afraid of being hurt while still being secure within yourself depends a lot on emotional intelligence and maturity.
It’s hard to tell how much time does it takes for someone to get used to this and treat it like it’s normal or even if, in the end, the two relationships can blend. Even if we tend to pick partners that resemble and we usually have a pattern when picking our beloved ones, that’s not always the case.
There is a little problem with kitchen table polyamory because, at this point, it is seen as being selfish even in some old-school polyamory couples. The fact that you demand from someone to be happy if you are happy with little concern about his/her feelings is not seen with kind eyes.
Surely it all comes down to a matter of balance. Don’t forget that your partner should be more important than your beliefs at the end of the day, and through communication, you should always strive to reach the middle ground in polyamory.
What If I Desire This, but My Metamour Doesn’t?
Love is not something that can be forced in polyamory or elsewhere. The fact that you love another person will not automatically force your partner to even accept it or consider it. We come from different walks of life, and your partner may either be new to polyamory or have bad memories with partners’ ex-lovers in the past.
All you can do in this situation is sit down and have a constructive polyamory discussion. See why your partner is bothered by this or if there is a way to reach him and reach the middle ground.
Keep in mind that no matter how much you struggle, kitchen table polyamory may not be for your partner, and depending on how much you crave this and how much you and your partner care about each other, you will both be faced with a difficult decision.
Even if your partner agrees to this in the end, don’t expect that he/she will be as thrilled as you are or will fully embrace your other partner. At the end of the day, he or she is a different person that may not feel the same way as you. Kitchen table polyamory takes a lot of time and patience to form and work.
Before jumping in, consider all aspects. Think long and hard not only about kitchen table polyamory but polyamory in general. Take into account all your metamours’ feelings and opinions and only make a decision when you are utterly confident that it will work.