Having multiple partners may seem like the dream for many, and that’s actually why there are so many top polyamory dating sites. However, polyamory only works for very few of us, and there are a lot of aspects that should be taken into consideration before getting involved with multiple partners.
As the world around us evolves and our lives are so fast-paced, we find less and less time to actually live. Relationships are unfortunately the first ones to be affected by the rapid pace of life as we are less interested in meaningful connections, and we tend to focus more on the sexual side of polyamory.
At first, polyamory may seem like the answer to the relationship problems of the 21st century. You get to enjoy affairs with multiple partners, avoid actual commitments that can make you feel tied up, and, if you live together, it can actually bring additional benefits like splitting bills or house chores. Sure, on paper, polyamory seems to be amazing, but it is not at a closer look.
Humans are complex creatures and often undecided. It might seem nice to lay down near someone knowing that you won’t have to make any sort of excuses the next morning and that you can keep things simple. But that’s exactly the problem; things are never simple when it comes to our hearts and polyamory.
Somewhere along the road, one of you wakes up and realizes that there has to be more to a relationship than this, that the feeling of actually belonging to somebody without having to share that special intimacy with more people is exactly what we need to get up in the morning.
Jealousy is never taken into consideration at first when people get into a polyamorous relationship. We tend to believe that polyamory automatically excludes jealousy, but that is not true. Jealousy is a feeling we can’t control, and it can be triggered just by the simple fact that your partner is looking at another person differently than he/she does with you.
Huge fights can spark from things like who are you going to sleep tonight if it’s a common household or who you are going to spend your afternoon with. This will quickly destroy the polyamory dream and turn it into a nightmare.
There is never equality in polyamory. We are simply not build to love the same way. All our relationships are different, and we love our partners in different ways.
The same thing is true for them also, and in a polyamorous relationship, there is always a main partner and side partners. Of course that this leads to a struggle for power, and as the tension rises, the entire polyamory group starts to fall apart.
Because there are ranks in polyamory, the relationship is unfair to someone from the start. One partner will get more attention, more time, or may be the preferred one in the bedroom. The problem truly rises when you are not that one.
Polyamory can change who you are if you are not careful. Staying too long in a place that is not doing you well or is even hurting you, emotionally or physically, may have long-term repercussions. There are plenty of people that are simply incapable of having a normal relationship, even if they want to, after staying too long in the polyamory world.
Another problem with polyamory is that you can still feel lonely. People in this type of relationship think that more partners will save them from loneliness. Your partner’s attention will be divided between you and another person or persons, which can actually mean that you will end feeling more lonely in a polyamory relationship compared to a normal one.
The guilt here can’t be placed only on your partner. In very few relationships, the ones involved in polyamory actually stay faithful to one partner, and before you know it, it might be you who’s seeking attention elsewhere to compensate.
As humans, we love the idea of being the center of the universe for someone special, to love and be loved unconditionally without having to share. We need trust and safety to keep jealousy outside. If that’s the case for you, polyamory may not be your thing.